An Open Chair
An Open Chair
When I was a freshman in college, I was on a weekend fall retreat with our campus ministry. In the last session, our speaker Ronnie Brewer set the chairs up in a circle. You may think that chair circles are nothing new. True, but Ronnie intentionally added one additional chair. When we were all seated, he pointed out that our circles of friends, our circles in ministry groups should always have an open chair ready for a new person to join.
This visible lesson has stuck with me 29 years since I first heard it. Why? Probably because I was new to the group and was searching for my own chair in the circle. I knew the importance of a group intentionally creating space for new people to join it because I was desperately seeking that type of group.
A group with an open chair is an “open group” as opposed to a “closed group.” Both types of groups are needed in different places. A closed group is good when the nature of its membership involves accountability and transparency. Additional members are only allowed with the full group’s endorsement. The closed group is only to be used for particular purposes and needs to be defined as such.
An open group is the common type for ministry gatherings. Think worship, fun fellowship, and connecting purpose gatherings to be an open group. The problem of an open group is that they can turn into a closed group without careful attention. Those, who regularly attend and who through their personalities have helped define the group, get comfortable with the status quo of the group. Often without intention, the once open group becomes a closed group. Chairs come to have the name of “that’s where Bob sits” or “you can’t sit here because Sidney is coming and that’s her chair.”
How do we keep an open group truly “open”? This is a question we must constantly ask and give attention.
First, we must continually have a DTR conversation. Often in dating relationships, the couple must have a DTR conversation (define the relationship). Defining the relationship of the group puts the purpose before the group’s leadership. Doing so will help leaders stayed attuned to the group’s purpose and vision.
Second, group leaders have the responsibility of casting the purpose and vision before the group. This action has to be constant and varied in the way it’s communicated. Most times, this communication is done before the entire group like Ronnie did for our college group using stories, visuals, and scenarios. Other times, conversations with individuals or small groups within the larger group may be needed. An example in our youth ministry is having reminder conversations with seniors and juniors of their place in the group. They have the natural role of leadership, which sets the tone to the overall group. If they will have open chairs, the entire group will follow suit.
Third, training and resourcing leadership is critical. When the group catches the vision of being an open group, they still need to know what steps to take or to how they can create the steps which create openness to new people. We must be intentional to have training. How and when is unique to each group. Busy schedules cause training to be easily pushed to a future time on the calendar only to never take place.
What should the training consist of?
We all learn best through interactive learning. Try role plays of different scenarios. What is it like to be the freshman trying to find his/her place in a new setting? What is it like to have impairments, disabilities, or handicaps and how do these create possible social boundaries?
Create an easy 2-3 action step process. Step One – greet people you do not recognize or know it is their first time at the gathering. Step Two – connect that person with others their age or with their interests. Step Three – connect the person to a leader the guest will interface with during that gathering (example: 7th grade boys small group leader).
Bring in “experts” of hospitality. Are there people in your church or ministry where hospitality or connects is a nature gift? Have them lead a 10-minute talk. Is there a Chick-fil-A in your community? Often, they will come and direct a leadership training when asked – especially if you purchase a few sandwiches.
Most of all, be intentional through modeling the open chair mentality. Both your ministry and those needing a seat need it.